Does this poem have any problems?
If I could empty all the oceans, I would empty them on your eyes, Unblind you with that motion, And you would never die.
salt would seep in like mermaids, Of a dream so blue and strange, Tugging on your pretty braids, Your cat-face rearranged. In this dream you would not need Your dentist or your mathbook, Your father's greed or filthy steed, Who hoofs air as the blue-bloods look.
would need only these three things: A blowtorch, an apple, a bent crucifix, To present to the priestess, A song to you she'll sing You will never see this glory, Never to see Gods killed with guns, Never to tell your false story, Never to see my charred lungs. It was one of my few attempts to rhyme. Do you believe the rhyming seems forced? Yikes, looks like I messed up the fourth stanza, can you guys forgive me there? That Guy- Please take your ignorance and anger elsewhere, perhaps use it to fix that 94 Honda shtbox. Skump- Thank you. I did kinda fall apart with the last two stanzas. I will edit this.








